First published at Slacker Heroes.

In the lead up to The Hunger Games movie release, here’s a fun quiz in place of a book review. Because everyone’s already read the book, right? Right? If not, you’d better hurry up because the film’s out next month and you’re going to want know what all the fuss is about.

I definitely recommend reading the series before you watch the film; no matter how good the adaptation is, it can’t be better than the novel. The story is high tension, dystopian YA that grabs you from the start and drags you through to the end so fast your hands are bleeding from turning the pages. That’s right, dystopian paper cuts. For reals.

Here’s the main premise –

The rules of the Hunger Games are simple. In punishment for the uprising, each of the twelve districts must provide one girl and one boy, called tributes, to participate. The twenty-four tributes will be imprisoned in a vast outdoor arena that could hold anything from a burning desert to a frozen wasteland. Over a period of several weeks, the competitors must fight to the death. The last tribute standing wins.

This week, it’s time to find out which of the male characters is most like you. Next time, you’ll get to identify with one of the girls. Ready? Let’s get started. And may the odds be ever in your favour.

1. There is a squirrel in the trees. It may be your only source of food for months. Do you:

A) Drive it out of the trees using a tactic you perfected years ago, catch it in a homemade trap, then share it between two starving families.

B) Entice the animal down with a beautiful trail of sugar icing, leading from the base of the tree right into your perma-hot baker’s oven.

C) Not notice it because you’re still drunk from this morning. Who needs meat, when whiskey has all the carbs you need?

2. What do you look like?

A) Dark, lean and grey eyed. Admired by the ladies, but too busy hunting and brooding to hook up. Coal smudged, with twigs in your hair, which is strange since those woods are forbidden…

B) Floppy blond hair and kind blue eyes. Broad and stocky from your flour-hauling, dough-kneading days. Face red and puffy from crying. Occasionally on fire.

C) Woody Harrelson.

3. What would be your dream holiday?

A) An adventure holiday, orienteering-type thing, where you have to live for weeks on grubs and tubers and people are impressed when you drink your own pee. You would save the biggest grubs and send them to your family back home.

B) A trip to the English sea-side, with lots of tea shops and crumpets, lashings of double cream and long, romantic walks on the beach.

C) An all-inclusive trip with a 24 hour bar, where it’s totally acceptable to have vomit in your chest hair and fall over a lot.

Mostly As

You are Gale, loyal best friend with super sharp huntsman-smarts. Your devotion and rebel sensibilities add a sexy dash of derring-do to your woodsy get-up, even though you probably always smell of blood and coal.

Mostly Bs

You are Peeta, the baker’s son that the TV cameras love, selected to battle one of the girls you went to school with. Form no attachments because a maximum of one of you is getting out alive. No, stop smiling at her, don’t you, oh. Fine. Befriend the pretty girl you’re going to have to kill. Just don’t come crying to me when it turns out messy…

Mostly Cs

You are Haymitch, the drunked-up mentor, the only living Hunger Games victor from District 12. What did you do, breathe poisonous booze fumes at the other competitors? It’s up to you to bring this year’s tribute home. Remember, only one can survive, and it won’t be easy to choose if you’re already seeing double.

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